12 Jan 7 Ways To Evaluate When To Stay VS. Walk Away
One topic that’s been racking my brain lately is the topic of heartache.
There’s truly nothing like it—the emotional pain manifests as physical, and it can be paralyzing. It almost feels like your heart is beating outside of your body, being pierced by the world as you walk around…
“You look like you lost weight!” people would say to me with a smile after I called off my wedding… “You look incredible.”
“Yep… I’m on the S.A.D. diet… Skinny And Depressed.” I’d say, as I felt like my heart fall into my stomach.
This brings up some key questions that apply to relationships of all sorts, whether based on romance or friendship…
How do you know when it’s time to give more of yourself? … And how do you know when it’s time to walk away?
This dance fascinates me, and I’ve come up with some standards that I hope are of service to you when you’re evaluating the relationships in your life.
1. You feel like you need to give an ultimatum. This is a key sign that the relationship—be it friendship or otherwise—is not meeting your basic needs. Instead of cornering a person into changing so that you feel better with them, ask yourself: is this relationship truly what I want? Is this working for me as it is?
2. You can’t talk yourself out of something no matter how hard you try. We all have our non-negotiables… In my late 20s, I discovered new ones that I wasn’t previously aware of… I realized that I came up against a non-negotiable when I kept trying to talk myself out of something, but couldn’t seem to talk myself out of it no matter how hard I tried. If you’re convincing yourself that you’re okay with something, you’re probably not okay with it. Rip the band-aid and move forward by honoring your non-negotiables. Pain now, freedom later.
3. You’re compromising who you are. If you’re a sensitive person by nature, and you’re finding yourself in relationships that are challenging you to grow thicker skin, that could be a beautiful growth opportunity… But if you’re finding yourself in relationships that force you to truly be someone else, it’s time to let them go and love yourself. There’s nothing wrong with you. You’re perfect in all your imperfections… Give yourself the gift of self-expression. Allow yourself to be you.
4. You’re spending most of your time on egg shells. This is just another way that you’re not experiencing the space you require to be you. Why tip toe on egg shells for someone else who is busy being themselves? Take care of you and walk away.
5. When you hear the voice of your higher self. We all have a very wise voice inside of us… The voice of our higher selves… If you choose to tap into it, you get the gift of some seriously incredible wisdom. And it’s important not to mistake this voice with the voice of fear inside of you. The key difference is that your higher self is always loving and never afraid. Ask that wise self inside of you: is this what’s best for me? Open yourself the experience of building a connection to that beautiful higher self.
6. When you’re facing violence. When you’re facing any sort of violence, it’s time to walk away… Point blank. People who resort to violence are just trying to replace their shame with a perceived sense of self-esteem.
7. You’re in love with someone’s potential. And by the way, loving someone’s potential is far off from loving who they actually are. It’s not love when you do this, it’s hope that they will be someone that aligns with your imagination and wants. If you love what’s possible for them more than you love where they are now, it’s an invitation to reevaluate.
We’ve been told that true love is setting someone free. And I think that’s so true.
One of the highest acts of consciousness is to recognize when a soul is not meant to be in alignment with yours… And to love that soul so much you’re willing to let them go, versus holding on for dear life and begging them to be someone else.
You are so perfect in all of your imperfections. Honor yourself always.
P.S. Struggling to honor your imperfections? Check out: The Gifts of Imperfection by Brene Brown