09 Feb On taking responsibility
Have you ever found yourself in an argument where you know deep down that the other person is right?
Yet you keep arguing your point anyway, because the only thing scarier than the argument is humbling yourself down to admitting that the other person is right.
Why is taking responsibility so painful?
I’ve been dating a really magical guy who challenges me more than anyone I’ve ever met. He calls me out on my patterns, and I have nowhere to hide when he does it.
You should see the look on my face when he does it… I be like…
That’s my brother’s dog, Nala, who got caught after she played in the dirt. I call her Nallie… And she just gets me. She knows what she did.
Anyway, after sitting through years of personal development workshops, this relationship continues to put me on my growing edge. Here are three ways to be more responsible in your life.
1. Choose whether you will be an owner or victim. There are two types of people roaming around the planet: owners and victims. According to one of the most insightful coaches I know, Steve Chandler, author of Reinventing Yourself, you know which one you are based on your language… Owners focus on what they’re “learning from” something—they stay in a consciousness of growth. Victims focus on simply “getting through” things—they stay in a mindset of survival versus growing and thriving. Decide which one you want to be. No judgment here.
2. Know that you are not your results. Maybe you failed—but that doesn’t make you a failure. Maybe you’re not doing a good job—that doesn’t make you a bad worker… Know that your results are no indicator of who you truly are—and that they are just feedback from the universe, guiding you to new pathways.
When I know I have to take responsibility and I feel like I didn’t do a good job, I trust that it’s a growth opportunity for me to do better. I don’t make meaning about myself from the results I get. Pay attention to the meaning you make about the results you get. Is that story you have in your mind really true? Usually it’s just a story you’re telling yourself.
3. Get a life. Get clear on what your best self looks like… Then come up with an ideal scene of who you are when and if you were your very best self… Work on yourself outside of the relationships or situations that are triggering this lack of responsibility that you feel inside. In my case, I signed up for a workshop on mindset and got excited to use that space to self-examine.
Enlightenment isn’t for the faint of heart, huh?
Rooting for you,